Damn peanut butter Snickers.....

Hi, my name is Michelle and I'm addicted to peanut butter snickers. Isn't the first step acknowledging you have a problem? Well I think I have a problem. I can't go a day without these tiny little evil bits wrapped in yellow paper. The bad thing is that I buy these things and bring them into my house. The kids don't bring them home from a day out with Daddy, Curtis doesn't bring them home, I go out and buy them. Talk about self sabotaging. Here I'm complaining about wanting to lose weight and I bring those dang things into my house to taunt me. Why can't I be stronger and just walk past them?

I have realized lately I'm an emotional eater. If I'm having a hard day with the kids I eat. If there is drama going on I eat, and seriously I am surrounded by drama lately. I wonder if we moved if I would still be eating when I'm not really hungry? I know I will feel better and feel better if I eat better food but it is soooooo easy to grab those foods that make me "happy". The crazy thing is I do like things that are good for me and when we are all up at the cabin and there are veggies sitting out I love munchin on those, but for some reason I don't do it here. I have no idea why. I know my kids learn by my example and that bothers me. Usually I am more strict with them when it comes to snacking than I am on myself.

I hate dieting because I hate being told no when I want something. I hate feeling deprived. Don't I sound like a spoiled little brat? I was on a diet called  The 17 Day Diet. It was fantastic. I lost a pound a day and didn't feel to deprived. Then we moved and all that went out the window. I tried to start up again but haven't been able to commit completely. I fight with the inner demon on a daily bases. I start every morning with the best of intentions but by lunch time it's shot. Then dinner time is a toss up. If i cook then usually it's a pretty healthy dinner but then it's portions that are to much. If we go out to eat for dinner i know dang good and well I'm not making the best choices. How do I get over this? I watch the Biggest Loser and am so inspired by these people who need to lose over 100 lbs and they go for it with out looking back. All i need to do is drop 20 and i cant get out of my own way.

Maybe by putting this to "paper" I will have to be held accountable for my actions and get off my butt.  I can't expect exercise alone to get rid of this weight. I need to start eating better and treating myself better. I'm the luckiest girl no matter what the scale says my husband and kids love me unconditionally. I think if i cut my goal from 20lbs to lose down to just 5 at a time it wont seem so daunting and it wont be so easy to talk myself out of sticking with it. Hopefully the next time I talk about this I will be telling you all about my success instead of my failures. Stay tuned and hopefully by summer I will be a completely different girl.